You are a complete asshole. The only thing keeping me from taking your scrawny ass to court and cleaning you out for all you’re worth (because you are so colossally bad at managing money you don’t deserve to actually have any) is that you are so pathetically normal that I can’t bring myself to waste more time on you than this letter.
Next time you feel that my way isn’t the best way, look up the term ‘compound interest.’ I don’t want to keep hitting you, baby, but you keep walking into my fist. Try to grow a brain somewhere north of your gonads. Oh, and if your skank of a useless girlfriend has another emotional breakdown due to her complete failure to live as a grown up and calls me again to express herself with her wonderfully effluent vocabulary, I’ll be struck with the sudden desire to vociferously protect my own interests and take you to court over the fact that you have never once managed to pay your alimony on time.
If a man is as good as his word, you fall so short of the definition I’m surprised the Navy lets you claim ‘male’ as your gender.
I feel so much better now.